Craft supplies, Grandma and Gratitude

So several months back, my Grandma started developing strange symptoms. I don't want to type it all out, honestly, but the result may be a form of Dementia.

I essentially inherited all of her crafting supplies, among other things.

The boxes have been sitting in piles for months and are a quiet reminder of the current state of things in my life.

I live in a small apartment, so there is no way to avoid them.

It's like...I don't want to get rid of it, even though I've gotten rid of quite a bit of "junk" that had been in there. Old, rusted needles, pins, things that can't be used anymore but for one reason or another, had sat in a box.

This is not to say my Grandma is a hoarder, she's just a woman who spent over 50yrs sewing and crafting as a living, it adds up.

So I have all of this and I didn't want to get rid of it. I think subconsciously I am telling myself, "She'll use it again. She'll sew and cook and do everything she has always done."

I don't want to accept the potential reality of the situation. Throwing things away, selling them, even if it's just fabric? It's like I'm throwing out pieces of her life and mine at the same time. She told me to use it all or sell it, so I should be ok with it, but I'm not.

When I sit down and let myself think about any of it for any amount of time, I feel like everything goes grey scale. It sounds so dramatic, but that's just how it is.

So for today's "Gratitude Journal" entry, I'm thankful for my Grandma. She stepped up when my biological mother walked out on my Dad and I. She helped take care of both of us. She taught me to sew, crochet, she taught me my business sense and salesman techniques. She taught me flower arranging and helped teach me to cook. A lot of the life skills I have, I have because of her(and Dad, but that's another entry).

I'm thankful to have such a wonderful person in my life, who I have shared so much with.

I have to accept that I can't get those things back, but even if she is never how she was, I still have those memories and experiences and they can't be taken away from me.

~Ari